close

Privacy guaranteed - Your email is not shared with anyone.

5 Levels of Hangover!

Discussion in 'Comedy' started by angler103, Apr 11, 2006.

  1. Five Levels of Hangovers

    One Star Hangover (*)

    No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
    relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5
    cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a
    steak & fries.

    Two Star Hangover (**)

    No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but
    you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
    chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still
    tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House
    excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your
    bowels.

    Three Star Hangover (***)

    Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
    productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
    reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends
    dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a
    gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed
    once.

    Four Star Hangover (****)

    Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
    else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being
    late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice
    clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side
    of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on
    while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein,
    and even your hair hurts. Your ass is in perpetual spasm, and
    the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water
    to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

    Five Star Hangover (*****)

    You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
    the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out
    of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust
    in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt
    to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the
    ability to generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you. You
    don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed
    out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a
    fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare
    'Floater' thrown in.
    The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet
    water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now ...



    THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

    Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon

    THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

    Specificity; British Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder;
    Loquacious; Transubstantiate

    THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

    Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
    Nope, no more booze for me.
    Sorry, but you're not really my type.
    Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.
    Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
    Sorry I'm being such a jackass.
     
  2. ccavacini

    ccavacini Super Mod Mod

    Just copied....and will paste...that was too bad.
     

Loading...
Similar Threads Forum Date
Water levels Northeast Indiana Fishing Reports Apr 21, 2013
Water levels Northeast Indiana Fishing Reports Apr 1, 2013