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Cow Agendas

Discussion in 'Comedy' started by ccavacini, Aug 3, 2005.

  1. ccavacini

    ccavacini Super Mod Mod

    Subject:

    Different Cows for Different Agendas



    DEMOCRATIC

    You have two cows.

    Your neighbor has none.

    You feel guilty for being successful.

    Barbara Streisand sings for you.





    REPUBLICANISM

    You have two cows.

    Your neighbor has none.

    So?





    SOCIALIST

    You have two cows.

    The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

    You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.





    COMMUNIST

    You have two cows.

    The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

    You wait in line for hours to get it.

    It is expensive and sour.

    FRENCH CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    You go on strike because you want three cows.

    You go to lunch and drink wine.

    Life is good.

    JAPANESE CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and

    produce twenty times the milk.

    They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

    Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

    GERMAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent

    quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.

    Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

    ITALIAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

    While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

    You break for lunch.

    Life is good.

    TALIBAN CORPORATION
    You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.

    You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' private parts.

    You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to

    milk production but use the money to buy weapons.



    IRAQI CORPORATION

    You have two cows.

    They go into hiding.

    They send radio tapes of their mooing.





    FLORIDA CORPORATION

    You have a black cow and a brown cow.

    Everyone votes for the best looking one.

    Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote

    for the black one.

    Some people vote for both.

    Some people vote for neither.

    Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.

    Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is

    the best-looking cow.





    CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

    You have millions of cows.

    They make real California cheese.

    Only five speak English.

    Most are illegals.

    Arnold likes the ones with the big udders

     

  2. All above mentioned cows have attended classes in anger managment.