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How do you Compromise...???

Discussion in 'Sound Off' started by hunter47331, Jul 17, 2007.

  1. Didn't want to highjack tmarsh's marriage post, so I started this one. Kind of along the same lines though...

    I have known my wife for 7-1/2 years now, and been married for almost 4 years (she did not come from a hunting background). While I have always hunted... I can honestly say that I was not previously "obsessed" with the deer and turkey woods as I am now. Before I owned a bow... the firearms season was a three weekend sprint to try to make something happen. She dealt with that... and also handles turkey season OK. I was good with either of these because she always goes to her mom's in Avilla for the second weekend of each season. However, after bowhunting the last 1-1/2 seasons, and getting a muzzleloader also... I'm all about deer hunting for 3 straight months. She on the other hand... is unimpressed with the obsession. I told her last year that I would cut back this year. Due to this "compromise", I am trying to get out now as much as possible to scout, etc... and spread all of the preparation time out. It is tough to manage the time... with practices, ballgames and such, and give everyone the attention they need/deserve. In some ways, it is getting easier as my nine year old son is getting involved in hunting activities... but still tough.

    How do you guys "compromise" your time spent in the woods versus time with the wife and young 'uns...???
     
  2. My wife doesn't tell me what I can or can't do and I don't tell her either. She was aware of my obsessions before we got married and she is living with them.
     

  3. Take her scouting with you and try and teach her about the outdoors. Even the most obsessive deer killer is out there for another reason. Show her the reasons you're out there and hopefully she'll come around. Mine always says that I spend so much time hunting and fishing that's there's no worry that I'd have time (or money) to cheat on her!!!!1

    HatchetJack
     
  4. I have problems with that also im on call 24/7 for work two children a neddy azz wife. i was fortunate on the turkey opener and doubled with my hunting buddie.first tom also that made it that much sweeter.i TRY to take vacation on the absolute best days to be in the field to better my odds.weekday's in november,high pressure day's for fishing etc.my wife and i have battles over it because my hobbies are all day not 20 min at the tanning bed.my wife's family live in the iron jungle (indy)they dont understand my passion either.i hope this is just a short stage off marriage or i'll go crazy.a man has to have some time out in god's country.
     
  5. As I've said, train them before you say "I Do". What I mean by that is let them know up front your hobbies/sports and that you've been doing them long before you met and don't expect her to try to change it. Same goes with you and her hobbies. I believe if both of you go into marrage thinking you can change one another then your already starting off on the wrong foot. There's only one day of the season I don't expect to be hunting and that's Christmas. That is unless my wife tells me, you may as well go until the kids get here this afternoon. :)
     
  6. Marriage is like hunting in a way, "you have to be in the right place at the right time", I wasn't where she wanted me to be enough and I'm divorced, she even knew me when we were growing up and knew how much I love the outdoors. Make sure you give some time to her every week, even during hunting season so she doesn't think hunting is more important than she is, even if it is. LOL
     
  7. You Are In The Time When You Will Have To Give Up Some Hunting Time , Bite Your Tounge And Put Your Family Time First , Get Out When You Can , Believe Me The Older Your Kids Get The Easier It Gets For You To Get Out , Give Up A Little Now Its Not Worth The Big Battle, And It Comes Back To You Later Trust Me , Been There Done That!!!!!
     
  8. Not that my marriage is perfect, but this is pretty much how I do it. First A LOT of communication. We all know that our wives like to talk about many issues that we as men could care less about. It is brutal at times to listen to these topics. But put yourself in her shoes. She feels the same way about listening to hunting/fishing discussions. I used to get pissed when I'd come home all excited about the deer that I'd seen or some other hunting experience and she acted as if she could care less. So a few years back we had a major sit down and mutually came to an understanding to listen and try to take interest in the other's enthusiasm. I don't shop or do all the stuff my wife does and she doesn't hunt. But now we actually listen to each other. Anymore, she actually shows interest in the hunting discussions. Having kids that are nuts about hunting is helping as well.

    As for compromising to spend time in the field ... there really is no compromising. Maybe I'm fortunate in how our life structure works, I don't know, but it is very seldom an issue that I am gone hunting. Again, now that the kids go some times, I actually think this helps with that issue. My wife and I live very different lives in many ways. Our lives are like the seasons of the year and we've just kind of adapted to it. My wife is a tax accountant, so winters, I don't see her much. In the winter, I'm Dad and Mr. Mom, I do 99.9% of everything for our family in the winters. Spring it flips to me being gone in the turkey woods and doing many other things that need to be done after a long winter. She kind of takes back over the family duties. Summer is our family time. That is when we all spend a lot of time together and things are relatively "normal". Then fall comes. It is a given that fall is hunting time. I'm either at work or in the woods. Our family time in the fall is from about noon to 2:00 on Saturdays and Sundays. It is just accepted that that is the way it is. Now that the kids spend more time with me out hunting, there is also that family bonding as well.

    I know that isn't necessarily the advise you were looking for, but all I know is how my life works. There is not really a compromise ... it just is. It is very rare that I'm asked not to hunt on any given day. There are some exceptions and from time to time I voluntarily pass on a particular morning or evening, but in general there are few compromises.
     
  9. 47331

    ;) Sounds like you need to get your priorities straight.
     
  10. I didn't even hunt when we were married, so my wife has had to put up with A LOT. First it was just bow for deer, the next year I bought a shotgun, and it was bow and gun for deer, the next year since I had a gun I added small game to the season list. The next year turkey. Last year geese...this year ducks....you get the idea! :)

    Needless to say, we have had many heated discussions about my time afield. She stays home with the kids so it's very hard for me to not throw the "you don't work" card in her face. (Which is false anyway, you couldn't pay me enough to stay home with kids all day/everyday...even my own).

    The key for us is just open discussion and time management. During this time of year, when there isn't much to hunt....I try to give her all the "away" time she needs. If she wants a weekend away with the girls...have at it. If she wants an evening to shop...it's all yours. Doing this now helps my cause for hunting time in the fall, and gives me quality time with our kids. And, as the kids get older, it will only be easier for me to spend/share time with them in the field.

    We also each take one night of the week to do "our own" thing. Of course during season mine is hunting. It's great to spend time together, but we also both realize it's good for a little solitude as well.

    I have tried taking her scouting, or shed hunting, but it's just something she really doesn't enjoy doing. So the last thing I'm going to do is force it upon her.

    For us communication is the key...as late October heats up...we'll sit down, look at the calendar, and actually write it down...my certain days to hunt, her certain days for her interests, and time for activities with the kids.

    Works for us...

    OK Deano, you can start bashing the "Sentimental Stallion" again... :lol:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 18, 2007
  11. You guys are gonna give tmarsh some cold feet!!!!!!!!:biggrin:

    To be honest hunter, there is no magic formula for what you are asking. This is the stuff that destroys marriages, or makes them better. Best of luck to ya.
     
  12. I was not necessarily asking for advice... I was just curious how you all dealt with or handled this situation. I feel like I should be able to do what I want, but also feel that I have an obligation to my family... and she agrees. However, the exact amount of time in question is what is up for debate. This year, I am going to come up with a few ideas to help out. I will probably sit out a day here and there, chosen selectively of course, to spend time with them. I will probably come home more mid-day rather than eating at Subway or hanging out at my buddies, before heading out for the evening hunt.

    I don't think there are any right or wrong statements... because every relationship is different. I think as time goes on, even your own relationship changes. Thought maybe someone else would have a different perspective... Thanks for the replies (except for Birddog13... he's as whipped as anyone I have seen) ;)
     
  13. I am lucky enough to have alot of hunting ground just around my house. I can jump on the quad and drive to my spot. I don't have to drive 40 minutes to a stand or a hunting camp. For her it seems more like I am screwing around in the backyard. If something happens I am only 5 minutes away.Gives her a sense of security I guess. Another good thing for us is when I am in my stand I will text message her to check and make sure everything is o.k..Makes her feel special. BROWNIE POINTS for when I am done hunting.
     
  14. I think it's important to spend the offseason reading hunting magazines, chatting online, watching hunting shows, wearing camo, and talking about hunting. This way she knows you're serious about it and would never dream of complaining about the time spent in the field. Seriously though my wife and I sit down and come up with a schedule. I get three weekends each year that I camp and hunt all weekend. This year is the first weekend during turkey season, first weekend of November, and opening weekend of shotgun season. These are guaranteed days. I also get mornings here and evenings there during October. Now if I shoot a nice buck sometime early I may forgo my early November camping and instead get a few more morning duck hunts. I never miss deer camp for shotgun season. If I have already got my buck I will still go and try to take a couple of does that I can donate to the feed the hungry. Don't get me wrong, I would love to get out there everyday but with work and 2 small boys at home I think my arrangement is more than fair. What my wife gets is time with the girls when she wants, help around the house, lots of family time in the summer, and a happy me.
     
  15. I don't compromise, as long as the bills are paid, the kids have shoes, and there is deer meat on the table, I don't want to hear any complaining. Being the boss and ruler of my household, I hunt when and for as long as I want. (is anyone laughing yet?) Having an understanding wife is all I can recommend!