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I love snow!

Discussion in 'Comedy' started by tilesetter, Nov 10, 2006.

  1. I love Snow
    >
    >
    > December 5 - 6:00 AM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season
    > and
    > the wife and I ate our breakfast, lit a fire, and sat for hours by the
    > window watching the soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like
    > a
    > Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love
    > snow!
    > December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
    > covering
    > every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a
    > more
    > lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've
    > ever
    > had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I
    > did
    > both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came
    > along
    > and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to
    > shovel
    > again. What a perfect life.
    > December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
    > disappointment.
    > My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white
    > Christmas.
    > No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow
    > by
    > the
    > end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think
    > that's
    > possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
    > December 14 - Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped
    > to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
    > away,
    > but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the
    > life!
    > The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I
    > didn't
    > realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll
    > certainly
    > get back in shape this way.
    > December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
    > Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
    > freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
    > I
    > think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
    > December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in
    > the
    > driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an
    > hour,
    > which I think was very cruel.
    > December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
    > anywhere.
    > Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay
    > warm.
    > Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess
    > I
    > should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. Man I hate
    > it
    > when
    > she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living
    > room.
    > December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the darn
    > stuff
    > last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Dang snowplow came by twice.
    > Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy
    > playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store
    > around
    > to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another
    > shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or
    > the
    > city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
    > December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
    > inches
    > of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt
    > till
    > August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel
    > and
    > then I had to poop. By the time I got undressed, pooped and dressed
    > again,
    > I
    > was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck
    > for
    > the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the jerk is
    > lying.
    > December 23 - Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
    > wanted
    > me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she,
    > nuts?!!!
    > Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I
    > think
    > she's lying.
    > December 24 - 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
    > Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a
    > gun
    > who
    > drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and
    > beat
    > him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner
    > and
    > waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at
    > a
    > 100
    > miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight
    > the
    > wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our
    > presents,
    > but
    > I was too busy watching for the snowplow.
    > December 25 - Merry -bleeping- Christmas! 20 more inches of the dag gum
    > slop
    > tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate
    > the
    > snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit
    > him
    > over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I
    > think
    > she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one
    > more
    > time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
    > December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It
    > was
    > all
    > HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
    > December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber
    > came
    > after 14 hours of waiting for him, and he only charged me $1,400 to
    > replace
    > all my pipes!!
    > December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in.
    > THE WOMAN is driving me crazy!!!
    > December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
    > could
    > cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
    > think
    > I
    > am?
    > December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he is now
    > suing
    > me for a million dollars not only the beating I gave him but also for
    > trying
    > to shove the broken snow shovel up his butt. The wife went home to her
    > mother. 9" predicted.
    > December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house.
    > No more shoveling.
    > January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
    > keep
    > giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
     
  2. Snow is Like Sex....Never know When it comming or how much your geting!!! Our when it might End...:biggrin:
     

  3. After shovleing snow fer 4 hours this morning......i remember this story!!!:mad:
     
  4. seabee

    seabee Staff Member Super Mod Mod

    4,583
    109
    2,248
    Dixon makes a nice snow plow option for their Zero turns, i will try to get my plow on today and post a pic...looks kinda silly, but works realy well!
     
  5. August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel
    > and
    > then I had to poop.

    That's some funny chit!
     
  6. If I have to shovel my roof...I'm moving.
     
  7. This was written by HuntnPrayn! (not really, because he is more like the end of the story as soon as he sees the first snowflake!);)
     
  8. The snow shoveling issue ,like the grass cutting issue is so simple. No matter how much I get I shovel it once a month. Looks like I got 29 more days till I gotta deal with this issue. Oh how convenient just when deer season is over.