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· Super Moderator
3,712 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are
in the South, and we challenge any so-called "smart" aleck Yankee to take this exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon
tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when
placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane (B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle (C) '64
Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a
capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour,how
Many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM.
The density of the pine trees in the plot to be
harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in
size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches.
How many
Budweisers will be drunk before the trees
are cut down?

5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch
centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet
and the porch length is16 feet. The porch floor is
1-inch rough sawn pine.

When the porch collapses, how Many dogs will be killed?

6. A man owns a
Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a
hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five
children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile

home on the man's land and still have enough property
for their electric appliances to sit out front?

7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards
down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The
brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on

secondary roads, what is the probability that it will
strike a vehicle with a muffler?

8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how
long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the
Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one,
didn't ya? It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well.
Just goes to show ya .... There's a whole heap of things
that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this

As an added bonus for taking the "******* CHALLENGE",
here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down
the road a piece.

Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.

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