1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 16 work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and your NRA magazines. 3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines. 4. Leave a note on your door that reads: Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke, Slim, and I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and they messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyways, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. We be right back.