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Hoosier Steelheader's post about the taser got me to thinkin' about the worst gift I ever received. My wife bought me one of those fancy new fangled nose hair trimmers several years ago. She bought it out of one of those little pocket size books with all the junky gadgets in it. Anyway I get it and put it up my nose and squeezed the little doohicky that's SUPPOSED to make it work. It's SUPPOSED to cut your nose hairs when you squeeze the little little doohicky by making the rotary blades rotate and cut 'em. Well it didn't quite work that way. My nose hairs got wrapped inside the rotary doohicky...didn't cut 'em at all...I let go of the thing and it's stuck in my nose 'cause my nose hairs are entwined in it. The only way to get it out was to YANK it out...My eyes watered for an hour after that nose hair purging...NEVER, EVER, use any little gadgets bought from those little pocket size books...THEY WILL HURT YOU...HURT YOU BAD!!!

OK, let's hear about your WORST GIFT.
 

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Well before I got married, I was dating this gal that bought me an odd gift. Little did she know that this gift would be the last gift she would ever buy me. I went to her apartment one evening and we sat around watching tv. She looked at me with this strange little quirky face and said she bought be something. She went to the bedroom and came out with what looked to me like a five inch length of Wilma Flintstone's necklace. I looked it over and I rekon she thought I knew what it was....she was just smiling away. She sat down next to me and said "im gonna use this on you." Im thinking in all my past adventures I have never seen these before. I thought maybe these rather large beads were for rolling around on an achy back...nope. She picked them up at some sex toy swap meet gals have sometimes. After I found out what she planned on doing I couldnt get my boots on fast enough.

Fellas, you cant grow old with a woman that wants to stick anything up your hind end.

 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
BO...after hearing that one I'll never complain about my nose hair trimmer again! PROMISE!!!
 

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That might be a image best left alone...... GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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I got a ceiling light fixture once... I thought ok they just wrapped my gift in a light box, WRONG, it was a complete light! Oh well I got $5 for it at my wifes annual spring yard sale....
 

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PHP:
Well before I got married, I was dating this gal that bought me an odd gift. Little did she know that this gift would be the last gift she would ever buy me. I went to her apartment one evening and we sat around watching tv. She looked at me with this strange little quirky face and said she bought be something. She went to the bedroom and came out with what looked to me like a five inch length of Wilma Flintstone's necklace. I looked it over and I rekon she thought I knew what it was....she was just smiling away. She sat down next to me and said "im gonna use this on you." Im thinking in all my past adventures I have never seen these before. I thought maybe these rather large beads were for rolling around on an achy back...nope. She picked them up at some sex toy swap meet gals have sometimes. After I found out what she planned on doing I couldnt get my boots on fast enough.
omg :SHOCKED: :SHOCKED: :SHOCKED: :yikes: :yikes:
 

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Bo, I almost didn't post my light, after yours that was hilarious!
 

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Bocephus said:
yeah its funny now...but at the time I felt violated, lol
If you want to feel violated, get a prostate and testicular exam from your doctor....then you'll learn the meaning of squirm...
 

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What you should have done was used them on her. You should have turned the tables and asked her if she had a couple of girlfriends. Hell, if she wants to put a spark in your love life or try something new like bringing her friends into it. Nothing that goes up there is sexy or fun or worth a try. You gotta keep them away from them sex swap meets my wife went to one and brought back oils and creames. Hell I'm still red were she put the cream. Warming sensation my ass, thats called burning!!! Looks like I fell asleep in the sun with my pants off.
 

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See, we are nothing but pets to our wives! Women took what Bob Barker on The Price Is Right said to heart...."Thanks for watching and be sure to have your men and pets spayed and neutered"

:16suspect :16suspect :16suspect :16suspect :16suspect :16suspect :16suspect :16suspect
 

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Beads for Bocephus

Mister Bocephus...Where do I start brother. First off, I have to ask...No, I'd better not actually. Sounds like she might have been the one for you bud???:rolleyes:
Anyhow...was it some kind of bead necklace???? Sorry!!! It's best you got rid of her Bo, she seemed a little anal...ONce again, sorry!!:16suspect
 

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Sorry guys but my wife also buys me hunting things which is great. I love my wife so much I got her a Mig Welder one year and the next year I got her a brand new air compressor, and yes this year I let up a little and got her socks, shirt and a 3/4" socket set. Treat them nice and they will treat you nice. OH yes give her a kiss and hug every day.
 

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He's not lying guys. I know why he and dad get along so good now. One year dad brought home a set of front tires for his tractor for mothers day. Another year he brought home his moose head on mothers day. It had been hanging in a smokey bar for 20 plus years first.
 
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