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You might be a nut...

Discussion in 'Comedy' started by ccavacini, Feb 3, 2006.

  1. ccavacini

    ccavacini Super Mod Mod

    "You Might Be A Gun Nut If" :

    -If You've ever dabbed a little Hoppe's on your neck before going on a

    date...

    -If you bought checkering tools, checkered all your gunstocks and are

    now starting on the bedposts...

    -If you cannot really recall just how many guns you own...

    -Surplus ammunition suppliers call you to see if there was anything you

    were looking for...

    -If you bought a gun from a gunshop, only to realize you used to own it

    years ago...

    -If you've ever shot out a 1911 barrel.........

    -If you save brass and have a case tumbler, but don't reload...

    -If you ever stripped the paint off of your car and then blued it -If

    you've ever bought ammo for a caliber you didn,t shoot, thinking that

    someday you might own a gun in that caliber...

    -If your computer passwords are gun related...

    -If your five-year-old can detail strip and fully reassemble an M-1

    Garand............

    -If you take your guns out of the safe and handle them, just so you can

    wipe them down before going to bed...

    -If your local gunsmith calls you for obsolete parts...

    -If you home-school and use ballistic tables for math lessons...

    -If your gun safe is bigger than your refrigerator...

    -If the speedometer on your car is in both m.p.h. and fps...

    -If you call Brownells and they recognize your voice...

    -If you own reloading dies for calibers that you do not shoot...

    -If you understand Smith and Wesson's model numbers...

    -If you ever bought two different brands of the same bullet just to see

    which one "shot better"...

    -If you've ever had to explain "that it's not the same gun it's a

    variant!"...

    -If watching the Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro...

    -If you cut out your best groups and carry them in your wallet like

    photos...

    -If you've ever gone to a gun show three times in one month, and were

    excited every time...

    -If you feel that a golf course is a willful and deliberate misuse of a

    perfectly good rifle range...

    -If you ever accidentally seasoned a steak with FFFFg black powder...

    -If your brass tumbler used to be a small cement mixers.

    -If you identify the gun on the cover of Dillon's Blue Press before you

    notice the girl...

    -If you make $30/hr at work and spent 35 min- on your knees at the range

    looking for that last piece of .40 brass...

    -If you have guns in your safes that you can't for the life of you

    remember how you came by...

    -If the FBI asks you to identify firearms they can't...

    -If ammo manufacturers had to layoff workers when you went to Europe for

    a month's vacation...

    -If you know the range of every tree in the neighborhood...

    -if you can tell the caliber of any spent casing just by feel...

    -If you plead with the gun shop to hold a rifle/shotgun until you have

    space for it...

    -If you can't figure out why your non-shooting friends laugh when you

    say "Bushmaster"...

    -If you didn't get that last one because you don't have any

    "non-shooting" friends...

    -If you driver's license says "must wear night vision goggles."

    -If your shoulder is callused...

    -If manufactures ask you how their rifles hold up.

    -If you get misty eyed evey time you sell a gun..

    -If you alternate Silvertips, Hydra-Shoks and Black Talons in your

    magazines because they look prettier that way..........

    -If you guess windage and range every time you look at a road sign...

    -If you went out to the range this weekend to shoot up ammo, just so

    you'd have some brass to reload...

    -RCBS answers your phone calls, "What have YOU dreamed up this

    time?"..............

    -if you can name the parts of your post-ban rifle you had to (or want

    to) swap out to make a legal semi auto AW -if someone asks about the

    president and you think they're talking about charlton heston -if you

    know the model numbers of your glocks, how many and what size mags you

    have, and which are loaded, but have no idea when your anniversary is.

    -if you've ever had to explain why you need armor piercing rounds to

    someone -if you don't know that there is a difference between "the

    Internet" and "Glock Talk"

    -if you have ever run out of gas in your car, but have never run out of

    ammo before -if you know the serial numbers of your guns, but still get

    your kids'

    names mixed up.

    -if you hold a firearms related record in Guiness book of world records.

    -if you go to gun shows with a grocery buggy (painted camo of course)

    -if you had to explain to someone what a "SHTF scenerio" is -if the

    National Guard calls you when things get a little too hot -if you had a

    gun rack on your bike when you were a kid -if you know why 30-06 is

    pronounced "thirty alt six"

    -if you buy all of your clothes at wal-mart but own some of the most

    expensive holsters known to man -if your name is on California's AW ban

    -if you walk up on a conversation about horses and as soon as you hear

    "colt", you are immediately interested.

    -if your favorite saint is John Moses Browning.

    -if your favorite paint color is "gun metal grey".

    -if you break off on a dissertation on how badly congress screwed Bill

    Ruger.

    -if you anticipate another shooting session AS you are putting your guns

    away at the range.

    -if you look at Shotgun News the way teenagers look at playboy -if every

    street sign within 5 miles of your house looks like it came from

    chechnya -if you went to college, but owned more gun manuals than text

    books -if the national guard armory has your phone number on "call

    block"

    because you keep making bids on their WWII artillary piece sitting out

    front -if you carry a backup gun in case the backup for your backup

    fails.

    -if you carry concealed at the beach

    -if third world arms dealers consider you to be the largest gun runner

    in the world (but you keep all the stuff for yourself) -if you were

    arrested/questioned about the sniper shootings -if you've filled out

    more "yellow forms" than income tax forms -if you have your own VIP

    parking spot at gun shows.

    -if you hear someone say "it's about 9:45" and you think to yourself

    "good grief, the 9mm/.45 debate will never end!"

    -if you sit through a violent movie and aren't bothered by gorey

    violence, but flinch when someone drops a firearm (might scratch it) -if

    the above has ever brought tears to your eyes -if you have been banned

    from a movie theater because you always stand up in the middle of the

    movie and tell everyone you can't fire 30 rounds from a revolver without

    reloading.

    -if you ever took apart your Nintendo zapper and installed custom

    trigger,laser sight, scope, etc. for Duck Hunt -if you have more

    firearms than friends -if you have insurance covering your guns, but not

    you -if hillary clinton makes your skin crawl.

    -if you slide your paddle holster on to check your mail.

    -if you slide your paddle holster on to take out the garbage.

    -if you find yourself rapidly disassembling/re-assembling your

    handgun....in the dark.....on the toilet.

    -if you drive to work with a $1500 Kimber in a $500 pick-up.

    -if you've spent more than twenty minutes writing "you might be a gun

    nut if's.

    -if your guns are named names usually reserved for people -if you

    designed your own caliber and built a firearm to fire it -if you grew up

    with loaded guns all around you, but it never crossed your mind to shoot

    up your school.

    -if you've read the Constitution

    -if you know the second amendment by heart -if you know the second

    amendment translated into more than 3 laguages -if you used to have a

    hill as a backstop, but now it has become a 30 foot high mound of pure

    lead.

    -if you make your own reloading tools

    -if you make your own powder

    -if you don't label your reloading powder, because you can hear the

    difference when shaking the can -if you have ever read an article in the

    crime section of the newspaper and read "the suspect had over 200 rounds

    of ammunition", then assumed it was a misprint. who in his right mind

    would get down to only 200 rounds???

    -if your CCW is a shotgun

    -if your CCW is a .50

    -if your CCW is a LAW

    - if you find yourself doing trigger and muzzle control on the bottle of

    your wife's glass cleaner

    - if your girlfriend/wife is jealous of the time you spend with your

    guns

    - if your wishlist on midwayusa totals up to the price of a new car

    - if that new car would be a bentley

    - if your already thinking about your next gun while your filling out

    the paperwork on the one you're buying.

    - if the guys at the local gun shop send you a christmas card

    - if you own a guns you haven't shot yet

    - if you have a room in your house dedicated to guns

    - if when someone says "but what if you don't have a gun with you?" and

    after 15 minutes you still can comprehend how that would be possible.

    - if the sound of full auto gun fire makes you feel all warm and fuzzy

    -if you shook the presents under your tree, and one fired a round out of

    it.

    -if you've spent more money at Midway USA, Brownell's, and Cabela's than

    the companies are worth.

    -if your will specifies your favorite firearm(s) to be buried with you.

    -if the glock talk logo is burned into your monitor.

    -if you have had a friend who thought knives were soooo cool and

    dangerous, then you showed him your AK-47 collection -if you wonder why

    you must renew your CCW license every year, but your marriage license

    won't expire.

    -if someone asks how many guns you have, and the answer begins with

    "about" (i.e. "about 50 or so").

    -if you took an ink blot test, and your answers were things like "an

    AR-15 sear", "bolt release from ruger 10-22", "firing pin from M1911",

    etc.

    -if you know you carry 45 caliber 230 grain full metal jacketed

    hydra-shock hollow points from Federal, but don't know the color of your

    wife's eyes.

    -if you have ever shot a hole in something on accident -if that

    something was your TV during a Bush/Gore debate -if you buy Hoppe's

    solvent in 50 gallon drums because your howitzer "likes" it -if the gun

    show owners let you in free.

    -if you named a dog after a gun.

    -if you name your kids after your guns.

    -if you time yourself each time you fill out one of those yellow forms,

    and you're down to a minute flat.

    -if NICS put your favorite gun dealer on call block.

    -if you're only dating/marrying a girl so you can shoot her gun

    collection.

    -if the wallpaper on your desktop is firearm related -if the wallpaper

    in a room of your house is firearm related -if you have no wallpaper or

    house, but live in a dug-out underground bunker to keep your guns safe

    -if CNN does a report on gun control and shows a table of guns from a

    gun show, and one of them has your name engraved on the side.

    -if you carry pictures of your guns in your wallet -if you ever heard

    gun shots outside your house late at night, but fell into a state of

    sheer panic because you couldn't decide which gun to grab.

    -if your favorites in the computer only have one folder, "guns."

    -when your wife have .357 sig brass as earings -at the tupperware party

    you show them your Glock -your gold tooth is made of melted brass -you

    get arrested for possesion of a gram of black powder -your kids have

    Glock as middle names -your kids bike is on a bipod -you go out with

    bird watchers with a 3-9 scope -your walkman is made by Peltor -your

    kids vocabulary consists; ballistics, trajectory, clusters, magnums,

    parallax -Your wife loves to shop at Glockstore, Glockmeister, Topglock

    etc.

    -You shower the bride and groom with brass -You double tap when knocking

    on doors -You get excited when you see the Target store logo -You buy

    your kids a book each and buy yourself five gun magazines -Your tennis

    attire has Glock logos -Your Golf bag has a gun compartment -You

    lubricate your kid's bikes with Hoppe's -Your banana holds 40 rounds

    -Your car is coated with tennifer -You light your charcoal with gun

    powder -Your kids would rather go to a gun show than Kings Dominion or

    Disney World -You are the only one with a vest without a camera

    - If your apartment complex cites -you- as the reason they don't need

    on-site security.

    - If someone you've never met comes to your door and says, "I was given

    your name. Can you help me while I get my stuff out of my

    boyfriend's/husband's apartment?"

    - If the person who gave your name is a local Police Officer.

    - If your local Police Department makes a point of calling you at home

    to tell you about the sex-offender/felon who just moved into your area.

    - If you've been in a local gun shop and had a sales clerk ask you a

    question about a firearm, because no one else in the shop knows the

    answer.

    - If the above occurs so they can make a sale.

    - If one of your local gun shops asks you to come work for them, because

    you've shown more knowledge than their employees.

    - If the above occurs at a shop you don't normally frequent.

    - If your local Police Department asks you what you think about the new

    handgun they're thinking about issuing.

    - If you've ever been asked by your local Police Department to bring in

    one or more of your weapons for them to show off, because they're

    "Better than this crap we're carrying."

    - If you've ever gotten out of a ticket by offering to take the Officer

    shooting.

    - If you've ever been pulled over by a Police Officer so she can ask you

    to take her shooting.

    - If you've ever been pulled over by a local Police Department just so

    they can ask you a question about one of your weapons, or your

    ammunition.

    - If you've ever had people fly into the state, or country, just to fire

    some of your weapons.

    - If you've ever talked about your latest acquisition and heard the

    words, "How the hell'd you get your hands on that?"

    - If your name has ever been given to a new recruit at your local Police

    Department along with the words, "Don't bother asking, he's going to

    have a gun on him somewhere."

    - If your boss has ever given you a box of ammunition as a reward for a

    'Job Well Done', and you don't work in a firearms friendly place.

    - If you've ever taken the day off work to go shooting, hunting, to the

    smith, or to purchase a new handgun, and yet you refuse to call in sick.

    - If your primary requirement for a soft-side briefcase, for work, is

    how well it can carry one of your preferred sidearms.

     
  2. Man thats alot of ifs. How many do you have to have in common before you are a "nut"?
     

  3. ccavacini

    ccavacini Super Mod Mod

    I figure anyone who would spend the time reading the whole post really has it bad.
     
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