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"You Might Be A Gun Nut If" :

-If You've ever dabbed a little Hoppe's on your neck before going on a


-If you bought checkering tools, checkered all your gunstocks and are

now starting on the bedposts...

-If you cannot really recall just how many guns you own...

-Surplus ammunition suppliers call you to see if there was anything you

were looking for...

-If you bought a gun from a gunshop, only to realize you used to own it

years ago...

-If you've ever shot out a 1911 barrel.........

-If you save brass and have a case tumbler, but don't reload...

-If you ever stripped the paint off of your car and then blued it -If

you've ever bought ammo for a caliber you didn,t shoot, thinking that

someday you might own a gun in that caliber...

-If your computer passwords are gun related...

-If your five-year-old can detail strip and fully reassemble an M-1


-If you take your guns out of the safe and handle them, just so you can

wipe them down before going to bed...

-If your local gunsmith calls you for obsolete parts...

-If you home-school and use ballistic tables for math lessons...

-If your gun safe is bigger than your refrigerator...

-If the speedometer on your car is in both m.p.h. and fps...

-If you call Brownells and they recognize your voice...

-If you own reloading dies for calibers that you do not shoot...

-If you understand Smith and Wesson's model numbers...

-If you ever bought two different brands of the same bullet just to see

which one "shot better"...

-If you've ever had to explain "that it's not the same gun it's a


-If watching the Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro...

-If you cut out your best groups and carry them in your wallet like


-If you've ever gone to a gun show three times in one month, and were

excited every time...

-If you feel that a golf course is a willful and deliberate misuse of a

perfectly good rifle range...

-If you ever accidentally seasoned a steak with FFFFg black powder...

-If your brass tumbler used to be a small cement mixers.

-If you identify the gun on the cover of Dillon's Blue Press before you

notice the girl...

-If you make $30/hr at work and spent 35 min- on your knees at the range

looking for that last piece of .40 brass...

-If you have guns in your safes that you can't for the life of you

remember how you came by...

-If the FBI asks you to identify firearms they can't...

-If ammo manufacturers had to layoff workers when you went to Europe for

a month's vacation...

-If you know the range of every tree in the neighborhood...

-if you can tell the caliber of any spent casing just by feel...

-If you plead with the gun shop to hold a rifle/shotgun until you have

space for it...

-If you can't figure out why your non-shooting friends laugh when you

say "Bushmaster"...

-If you didn't get that last one because you don't have any

"non-shooting" friends...

-If you driver's license says "must wear night vision goggles."

-If your shoulder is callused...

-If manufactures ask you how their rifles hold up.

-If you get misty eyed evey time you sell a gun..

-If you alternate Silvertips, Hydra-Shoks and Black Talons in your

magazines because they look prettier that way..........

-If you guess windage and range every time you look at a road sign...

-If you went out to the range this weekend to shoot up ammo, just so

you'd have some brass to reload...

-RCBS answers your phone calls, "What have YOU dreamed up this


-if you can name the parts of your post-ban rifle you had to (or want

to) swap out to make a legal semi auto AW -if someone asks about the

president and you think they're talking about charlton heston -if you

know the model numbers of your glocks, how many and what size mags you

have, and which are loaded, but have no idea when your anniversary is.

-if you've ever had to explain why you need armor piercing rounds to

someone -if you don't know that there is a difference between "the

Internet" and "Glock Talk"

-if you have ever run out of gas in your car, but have never run out of

ammo before -if you know the serial numbers of your guns, but still get

your kids'

names mixed up.

-if you hold a firearms related record in Guiness book of world records.

-if you go to gun shows with a grocery buggy (painted camo of course)

-if you had to explain to someone what a "SHTF scenerio" is -if the

National Guard calls you when things get a little too hot -if you had a

gun rack on your bike when you were a kid -if you know why 30-06 is

pronounced "thirty alt six"

-if you buy all of your clothes at wal-mart but own some of the most

expensive holsters known to man -if your name is on California's AW ban

-if you walk up on a conversation about horses and as soon as you hear

"colt", you are immediately interested.

-if your favorite saint is John Moses Browning.

-if your favorite paint color is "gun metal grey".

-if you break off on a dissertation on how badly congress screwed Bill


-if you anticipate another shooting session AS you are putting your guns

away at the range.

-if you look at Shotgun News the way teenagers look at playboy -if every

street sign within 5 miles of your house looks like it came from

chechnya -if you went to college, but owned more gun manuals than text

books -if the national guard armory has your phone number on "call


because you keep making bids on their WWII artillary piece sitting out

front -if you carry a backup gun in case the backup for your backup


-if you carry concealed at the beach

-if third world arms dealers consider you to be the largest gun runner

in the world (but you keep all the stuff for yourself) -if you were

arrested/questioned about the sniper shootings -if you've filled out

more "yellow forms" than income tax forms -if you have your own VIP

parking spot at gun shows.

-if you hear someone say "it's about 9:45" and you think to yourself

"good grief, the 9mm/.45 debate will never end!"

-if you sit through a violent movie and aren't bothered by gorey

violence, but flinch when someone drops a firearm (might scratch it) -if

the above has ever brought tears to your eyes -if you have been banned

from a movie theater because you always stand up in the middle of the

movie and tell everyone you can't fire 30 rounds from a revolver without


-if you ever took apart your Nintendo zapper and installed custom

trigger,laser sight, scope, etc. for Duck Hunt -if you have more

firearms than friends -if you have insurance covering your guns, but not

you -if hillary clinton makes your skin crawl.

-if you slide your paddle holster on to check your mail.

-if you slide your paddle holster on to take out the garbage.

-if you find yourself rapidly disassembling/re-assembling your the dark.....on the toilet.

-if you drive to work with a $1500 Kimber in a $500 pick-up.

-if you've spent more than twenty minutes writing "you might be a gun

nut if's.

-if your guns are named names usually reserved for people -if you

designed your own caliber and built a firearm to fire it -if you grew up

with loaded guns all around you, but it never crossed your mind to shoot

up your school.

-if you've read the Constitution

-if you know the second amendment by heart -if you know the second

amendment translated into more than 3 laguages -if you used to have a

hill as a backstop, but now it has become a 30 foot high mound of pure


-if you make your own reloading tools

-if you make your own powder

-if you don't label your reloading powder, because you can hear the

difference when shaking the can -if you have ever read an article in the

crime section of the newspaper and read "the suspect had over 200 rounds

of ammunition", then assumed it was a misprint. who in his right mind

would get down to only 200 rounds???

-if your CCW is a shotgun

-if your CCW is a .50

-if your CCW is a LAW

- if you find yourself doing trigger and muzzle control on the bottle of

your wife's glass cleaner

- if your girlfriend/wife is jealous of the time you spend with your


- if your wishlist on midwayusa totals up to the price of a new car

- if that new car would be a bentley

- if your already thinking about your next gun while your filling out

the paperwork on the one you're buying.

- if the guys at the local gun shop send you a christmas card

- if you own a guns you haven't shot yet

- if you have a room in your house dedicated to guns

- if when someone says "but what if you don't have a gun with you?" and

after 15 minutes you still can comprehend how that would be possible.

- if the sound of full auto gun fire makes you feel all warm and fuzzy

-if you shook the presents under your tree, and one fired a round out of


-if you've spent more money at Midway USA, Brownell's, and Cabela's than

the companies are worth.

-if your will specifies your favorite firearm(s) to be buried with you.

-if the glock talk logo is burned into your monitor.

-if you have had a friend who thought knives were soooo cool and

dangerous, then you showed him your AK-47 collection -if you wonder why

you must renew your CCW license every year, but your marriage license

won't expire.

-if someone asks how many guns you have, and the answer begins with

"about" (i.e. "about 50 or so").

-if you took an ink blot test, and your answers were things like "an

AR-15 sear", "bolt release from ruger 10-22", "firing pin from M1911",


-if you know you carry 45 caliber 230 grain full metal jacketed

hydra-shock hollow points from Federal, but don't know the color of your

wife's eyes.

-if you have ever shot a hole in something on accident -if that

something was your TV during a Bush/Gore debate -if you buy Hoppe's

solvent in 50 gallon drums because your howitzer "likes" it -if the gun

show owners let you in free.

-if you named a dog after a gun.

-if you name your kids after your guns.

-if you time yourself each time you fill out one of those yellow forms,

and you're down to a minute flat.

-if NICS put your favorite gun dealer on call block.

-if you're only dating/marrying a girl so you can shoot her gun


-if the wallpaper on your desktop is firearm related -if the wallpaper

in a room of your house is firearm related -if you have no wallpaper or

house, but live in a dug-out underground bunker to keep your guns safe

-if CNN does a report on gun control and shows a table of guns from a

gun show, and one of them has your name engraved on the side.

-if you carry pictures of your guns in your wallet -if you ever heard

gun shots outside your house late at night, but fell into a state of

sheer panic because you couldn't decide which gun to grab.

-if your favorites in the computer only have one folder, "guns."

-when your wife have .357 sig brass as earings -at the tupperware party

you show them your Glock -your gold tooth is made of melted brass -you

get arrested for possesion of a gram of black powder -your kids have

Glock as middle names -your kids bike is on a bipod -you go out with

bird watchers with a 3-9 scope -your walkman is made by Peltor -your

kids vocabulary consists; ballistics, trajectory, clusters, magnums,

parallax -Your wife loves to shop at Glockstore, Glockmeister, Topglock


-You shower the bride and groom with brass -You double tap when knocking

on doors -You get excited when you see the Target store logo -You buy

your kids a book each and buy yourself five gun magazines -Your tennis

attire has Glock logos -Your Golf bag has a gun compartment -You

lubricate your kid's bikes with Hoppe's -Your banana holds 40 rounds

-Your car is coated with tennifer -You light your charcoal with gun

powder -Your kids would rather go to a gun show than Kings Dominion or

Disney World -You are the only one with a vest without a camera

- If your apartment complex cites -you- as the reason they don't need

on-site security.

- If someone you've never met comes to your door and says, "I was given

your name. Can you help me while I get my stuff out of my

boyfriend's/husband's apartment?"

- If the person who gave your name is a local Police Officer.

- If your local Police Department makes a point of calling you at home

to tell you about the sex-offender/felon who just moved into your area.

- If you've been in a local gun shop and had a sales clerk ask you a

question about a firearm, because no one else in the shop knows the


- If the above occurs so they can make a sale.

- If one of your local gun shops asks you to come work for them, because

you've shown more knowledge than their employees.

- If the above occurs at a shop you don't normally frequent.

- If your local Police Department asks you what you think about the new

handgun they're thinking about issuing.

- If you've ever been asked by your local Police Department to bring in

one or more of your weapons for them to show off, because they're

"Better than this crap we're carrying."

- If you've ever gotten out of a ticket by offering to take the Officer


- If you've ever been pulled over by a Police Officer so she can ask you

to take her shooting.

- If you've ever been pulled over by a local Police Department just so

they can ask you a question about one of your weapons, or your


- If you've ever had people fly into the state, or country, just to fire

some of your weapons.

- If you've ever talked about your latest acquisition and heard the

words, "How the hell'd you get your hands on that?"

- If your name has ever been given to a new recruit at your local Police

Department along with the words, "Don't bother asking, he's going to

have a gun on him somewhere."

- If your boss has ever given you a box of ammunition as a reward for a

'Job Well Done', and you don't work in a firearms friendly place.

- If you've ever taken the day off work to go shooting, hunting, to the

smith, or to purchase a new handgun, and yet you refuse to call in sick.

- If your primary requirement for a soft-side briefcase, for work, is

how well it can carry one of your preferred sidearms.

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